we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
