I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
