Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He did a backflip because drugs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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