If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
