I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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