He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
