I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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