you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
