Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
