you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
