But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
