How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I AM VODKA MAN
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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