I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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