found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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