Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
