sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you would pick up someone in the library
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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