Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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