so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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