The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
