she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
