And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
