So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize