Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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