oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
