U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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