Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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