Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
