You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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