It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
