She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
