I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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