you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
