either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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