I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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