he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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