You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
