You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
