I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize