worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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