I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
