So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
