i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
