I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
