the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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