The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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