beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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