i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
