You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
thus making me awesome and them whores
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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