the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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