I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
