does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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