Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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