All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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