see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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