I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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