y did u give ur computer a hand job?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
