i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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