Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
