Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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