I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A bitchslap is in order.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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