So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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