some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
