she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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