Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize