u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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