did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
time to smoke my breakfast
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
