I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
