He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just blew my weed a kiss
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
