girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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