break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
