As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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