I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize