haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
