im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
3pm strippers are depressing
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
