im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
