there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize