Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
