There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have already put on my inside pants.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
