I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
