ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
