We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
