i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
