don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
