Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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