the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
