new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize