I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize