Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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