2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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