You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
