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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
