I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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