the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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