hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
