Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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