Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
