But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
