Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
the raccoons are back...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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