Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
