it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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