youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
