JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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