if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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