You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
