i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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