The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize