Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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